Quesiton
My question is where and what does the Bible say about dealing with a broken heart and accepting that someone you love very much does not love you back, like the case of falling in love and then breaking up and how awful that is. Is there anywhere in the Bible that helps people with this age old question on how to overcome a broken heart???
Answer
Real good question. I will attempt an answer. It will not be what you want to hear, and not what you are expecting. But check it out and see if it is not accurate and from the scripture.
Think about Job. He had a broken heart. Read the first two chapters of Job, and you will get a good idea of what he lost. It was not the same kind of broken heart as from falling in love, but how did Job face the situation?
He lost everything, he lost his children, his wealth, and his health. All he had left (besides his friends who had no clue) was his wife. And she advised Job to “curse God and die.” I have a few nice things in this life, and would not want to do without them. But they all are worthless, if I consider that I could lose the support of my wife like Job did. That was truly a loss.
But in all this Job maintained his resolve to adhere to obey God’s commands and realize that temporaty setbacks in this life are nothing compared to eternity. And how did God repay Job? Go to the last two chapters of the book, and see that God gave Job back his family and property moreso than he lost in the beginning.
Check out the broken hearts in the book of Revelation. Again, their hearts were broken for another reason. They were facing losing their very own lives, and the lives of their loved ones.
If you haven’t studied Revelation, do not let it scare you. Yes, there is a lot of symbolism in there. But the main point is, “Hang in there, the good guys will win in the end.”
Christ’s message to the Christians undergoing tremendous persecution is that they will have to suffer even more, but if they remain true to Him, they will emerge victorious. Maybe not in this world, but in the eternity to come.
Why am I pointing your attention in these directions, which is not what you are asking? Simply because I want you to put things in perspective. Someone (not the Bible, but the general concept is there) said:
“Don’t sweat the small stuff. And it is all small stuff.”
Now, about boy-girl type relationships, and the loss you can feel there. What is the purpose of courtship and young love? It is to prepare young people for their future married lives. And this is a very serious matter indeed. This is the second most important choice we will ever make in our lives, that is who we will spend the rest of our life with. The first most important choice of course is obedience to Christ.
Why is chosing who we will marry so important? Because marriage is permanent. A spouse is not disposable, as we would use a paper towel to clean up a mess and toss it in the trash. Too many people live that way today. And that is a major reason that our world is so messed up.
But Jesus taught us:
Matt 19:3-11 (NAS) 3 And {some} Pharisees came to Him, testing Him, and saying, “Is it lawful {for a man} to divorce his wife for any cause at all?” 4 And He answered and said, “Have you not read, that He who created {them} from the beginning made them male and female, 5 and said, ‘For this cause a man shall leave his father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife; and the two shall become one flesh’? 6 “Consequently they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.” 7 They said to Him, “Why then did Moses command to give her a certificate of divorce and send {her} away?” 8 He said to them, “Because of your hardness of heart, Moses permitted you to divorce your wives; but from the beginning it has not been this way. 9 “And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for immorality, and marries another woman commits adultery.” 10 The disciples said to Him, “If the relationship of the man with his wife is like this, it is better not to marry.” 11 But He said to them, “Not all men {can} accept this statement, but {only} those to whom it has been given.
He taught us that marriage is for a lifetime. He quoted from Genesis 2:24. The only scriptural reason for divorce is adultery. And then it is not a requirement that the parties divorce, just an option if nothing else can be done to salvage the relationship.
How did His disciples react to His teaching on the permanence of the marriage relationship? (v. 10) They said, Wow, then maybe we should not even get married in the first place! Then how did Jesus respond to them? Did He back down and say it is not really that bad? No, He maintained His position and teaching, and further strengthened it.
In v. 11 He did not say, if you can handle it then you should, but if it is too burdensome, then don’t worry about it and live your life the way you want to. That would contradict His whole teaching. Rather, in v. 11 He is saying that some people will not be able to bear His teaching, and will fall by the wayside, as those who missed the Ark in Noah’s day, and as those who will enter the broad and easy way, rather than the straight and narrow way which Jesus taught about in Matthew 7:13-14.
So what does this have to do with courtship and broken hearts? “An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.” Benjamin Franklin, as I recall.
If someone whom you are courting (or vice versa) suddenly walks out of your life, think how much better off you are if that happens before you get married rather than after you are married. Remember, God’s plan is for our marriages to last for a lifetime. And what effect does a broken home have on the children? Extreme! Another main problem with society today is broken homes, and inadequate parenting of our young people.
So what does the Bible say to help with a broken heart? Keep things in perspective. This life is just a preparation for eternity. If you heart is broken, it may be the best thing that ever happened to you!
You probably noticed that I have assumed that you are single and dating/courting. And I cannot tell from your letter. If you are in any other situation (married, divorced, widowed, etc.), then I think the passages which we have discussed will lead you in the right direction anyway.
By David Baize
