Question
Does it specify anywhere in the Bible that in a marriage, the husband should be most important to the wife, then the children. My wife feels that the children come first no matter what.
Answer
No. I am not aware of any scripture which teaches that the husband should be more important to the wife than the children.
Years ago a woman that I know confided in me that she felt torn between the needs for attention from her children and that of her husband. That was very difficult for her, as she knew that she had a responsibility to love and care for both. That really put her in a spot.
A notable difference must be considered here. A husband is grown and better understands the world and can better fend for himself than a child, who is more helpless, and less understanding of the way the world works. Therefore, if there is a choice to be made, it is logical that a woman would choose her children over her husband.
There is another consideration, however. Probably the most important thing that parents can provide for their children is a stable marriage. I do not mean that there is never a quarrel. I mean that the children need to see that their parents are totally committed to their marriage. Children are very perceptive; they can see thru a lot of surface clutter to the basic concepts and ideas inside.
This total commitment is vitally important for at least two reasons:
1. A stable marriage provides needed security for the children. Children in “broken homes” (don’t hear that word much any more do we?) or in homes which appear to be on the brink of breaking up are very stressful.
2. A stable marriage provides the best example for the children. They are very likely to repeat in their own adult lives what they have seen in their parents. There is not a 100% duplication of parents’ traits in their children, and children can overcome a bad example if they try hard, but it is clear that there is a great tendency for children’s adult lives to be influenced greatly by their own parents’ lives.
There is a Bible passage which I want to share with you, however.
Eph 5:25-29 25 Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; 26 That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word, 27 That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish. 28 So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. 29 For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church: (KJV)
God commanded you to love your own wife as your own body. You need to do that. You need to read these verses over and over and over again, until they are firmly branded into your mind. Then you need to understand what it really means to love your wife as much as you love your own body! I don’t know the things that you do, or refuse to do, for or to your wife; but you do. Would you do (or refuse to do) these things for or to your own body? Only you can answer that.
If you will love your wife as your own body, then I think you will not have any problems with her chosing her children over you. It will work itself out. It will not be a problem. If you will love your wife as your own body, then you will want to understand why she is torn between you and the children; and you will want to solve that stressful situation. You will not want her to have to face such a dilemma; and you will want your children to have their needs (not wants) freely supplied.
The marriage to which at the first of this note — I am glad to say that the husband thought long and hard about Eph. 5, and the needs of his children as well as his wife, and they all lived happily every after.
After all those words, I want to sum it all up in one word — selfishness. That is were the husband mentioned above found his answer. He realized that he was being selfish. Selfishness is the root of all evil. I don’t know of a verse that says that, but that is a conclusion I have reached after ma ny years or Bible study. Try it. Can you think of any sin which a person can commit, that is not a result of selfishness? I can’t.
I hope that I have answered your question. I apologize for taking so long to answer.
I do feel for you and your question. I don’t know your situation, but I think you may benefit from my response to a gentleman who found himself in a real pickle, and asked for my advice. I’ll see if I can find my response to his inquiry, and send you a copy. It will be four separate e-mail messages after this one.
By David Baize
