Question
I would value your opinion on the subject of nonmarital sexual relations between loving individuals. According to most literal passages in the Bible, sexual relations are not permitted. In fact, the only thing that is acceptable is total worship and adoration of God, himself. I can’t believe that God would be so selfish as to not allow his children to express feelings, drink a glass of wine, etc. As long as our expressions are not errant, how could this be. We are provided with this source of pleasure; is it just a temptation? Where in the Bible is this clarified?
Answer
It is true that God requires our devotion to Him above all others, even above our own selves. Luke 14:26 is a good passage to show this, where Jesus uses the word “hate” for our physical relationships in comparison to the love for the spiritual. Yet He also promised that those who would forsake these things would not be left unfulfilled. In Mark 10:29-30, He said, “…there is no one who has left house or brothers or sisters or father or mother or wife or children or lands, for My sake and the gospel’s, who shall not receive a hundredfold now in this time houses and brothers and sisters and mothers
and children and lands, with persecutions and in the age to come, eternal life.
It is also true that God has instilled within us certain fleshly desires. Yet He has provided lawful ways in which these desires can be fulfilled. In the matter of sexual fulfillment there is only one acceptable way, and that is through marriage. 1 Cor. 7:16 shows this conclusively. Because fornications(sexual immoralities) are natural tendencies, it was by God’s ordination that these desires be fulfilled in marriage. From the very beginning this was so. In Matt. 19:19 Jesus goes beyond the prevailing Jewish law and tradition and appeals to the design of creation for His arguments that this relationship is intended to last for life. So startling was this teaching that even to His disciples were questioning whether it was even worth marrying in that case. It seems they had the same notion about marriage that we have today in our society, because this teaching is hard to take for many. Today, this same attitude is displayed in statements such as, “I can’t believe that God would (or wouldn’t) allow (this or that)” But Jesus’ reply is equally uncompromising: “Not all men can accept this statement, but those to whom it has been given.” I believe that what He meant was most people would not wish to conform themselves to God’s will, but would rather pursue the fulfillment of their own desires in their own way. That’s one reason why after saying that anyone who seeks God will find Him (Matt. 7:78), He said only a few will enter into the kingdom of heaven (Matt. 7:13-14). Part of seeking involves conforming to what has been “found.”
Incidentally, the passage in 1 Cor. 7 would also contradict those who teach that the only purpose for sex in marriage is for procreation. Clearly, this is not the reason stated here, but rather for the acceptable fulfillment of our desires. I would also add that love involves seeking the best for the object of our love. Biblical love (Greek, agape) does not involve “good feelings” or “warm fuzzies.” Those feelings may certainly be part of love and may grow out of it, but when Jesus said we should love our enemies (Matt. 5:4348), He meant that we should always seek the best interest of everyone, even those who hate us. Put simply, He wants us to become like Him. Every man who sins is His enemy, and if it were not for His desire for us, He would not have provided instructions for us to follow that we might obtain life. However, a refusal of His council can only result in eternal death.
By Doug Focht
